Are You a People-Pleaser? 8 Signs You Might Be Overly Responsible and How to Cope

They say too much of anything is bad, and that holds true for being over-responsible. Being overly responsible can be linked to people-pleasing when you constantly seek approval, avoid conflict, or prioritize others’ expectations over your own well-being.

Vishnupriya Bhagirath, a counseling psychologist at SoftMinds Counseling Centre, explains that people-pleasers often set impossibly high standards for themselves and struggle to accept anything less than perfection.

Dealing with your people-pleasing tendencies involves becoming self-aware, celebrating your accomplishments, and learning to assertively express your needs, wants, and boundaries. Seeking professional support can also be beneficial. As Bhagirath suggests, “Be patient and persistent, and committed to making positive changes.”

But to use these coping tools effectively, you first need to recognize what you’re doing wrong. Let’s explore some signs that can help you identify when you’re going too far in your people-pleasing efforts.

8 Signs You’re Doing Too Much to Please Others

1. Excessive Self-Sacrifice: People-pleasers often put others’ needs and desires ahead of their own. They might take on too many responsibilities, sacrificing their time, energy, and personal goals just to make others happy or avoid disappointing them.
2. Difficulty Saying No: People-pleasers find it hard to turn down requests or set boundaries, even when they’re already overwhelmed.
3. Seeking External Validation: Those who are overly responsible often seek validation and approval from others to feel valued.
4. Fear of Rejection: They believe that by constantly being responsible and fulfilling others’ needs, they can secure a place in the lives of those they’re trying to please.
5. Avoiding Confrontation: People-pleasers may take on tasks they don’t want to do or agree with others’ opinions just to maintain peace and avoid disagreements.
6. Perfectionism: Their pursuit of perfection can be driven by a need to avoid criticism or disappointment from others.
7. Neglecting Self-Care: They often neglect self-care, personal goals, and their own well-being to prioritize others.
8. Feeling Guilty: People-pleasers frequently experience guilt if they can’t meet their responsibilities or if they set boundaries. This guilt is connected to their fear of letting others down.

Remember, recognizing these signs is the first step toward change, and learning to balance your own needs with those of others can lead to a healthier, happier life.